I built a fence

I built a fence. And tore another down.

I’m the self-professed queen of flat-packed building. Over the years I have achieved my expert status thanks to Ikea. So why did I build a fence?

Chickens! My free roaming chicken were destroying my garden, digging up everything. My once green garden was being upturned and looking shabby. So as I saw it, I had 2 options – a fence to create a ‘chicken’s only’ space or a roast dinner.

I have never trusted myself to create something of my own. This lack of confidence was amplified due to an emotionally abusive relationship I was in for way too long.

I used to be a decision maker. I used to trust my instincts.

But after having every decision I made being questioned and ridiculed I went into a silent retreat. I held out my white flag and stopped making decisions.

I won’t go into the details of my relationship but I will say I reached the point where I wasn’t even able to decide what to cook for dinner, heaven forbid I cooked something that had too many vegetables, or undercooked (red) meat or just cooked something that wasn’t perfect – I was stuck. I couldn’t make any decisions.

But one day, I woke up to this. My life was passing me by and I wasn’t living.

I had just had my second child, a girl. But I felt alone, isolated. I remember sitting alone one night with my two children during the pre-bed beasty o’clock crying because I didn’t understand why I was doing this on my own.

I was thinking about my children and how I didn’t want my son to grow up and think that it was okay to treat their partner the way I was being treated. And I didn’t want my daughter to be treated as I was being treated.

I made my first decision – I decided to take control and reclaim my life.

I ended my “relationship” – it was never going to end well. My life, as I knew it blew up. It was hard. But it did make me realise how amazing my family and friends are. I realised I am not alone. I am loved. I am capable. I am strong.

It has been over a year since the relationship ended – and I have never been happier.

I am still a work in progress, but I am not letting life get the better of me, I will not let others leave me feeling like I am insignificant.

So, I built a fence and realised how it was a tad symbolic of those inner fences I tore down. Something that used to make me feel restricted now offers freedom. Freedom to make decisions and live life the way I want to. Complete with happy chickens and a happy garden.

 

For the month of November 10% of all order will be donated the the Luke Batty Foundation who raise community awareness and put pressure on government organisations until family violence is no longer a subject that only happens behind closed doors.

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2 Comments

  1. Rosie November 11, 2015 at 6:51 pm - Reply

    What a beautiful and powerful piece! I love this! I think you are amazing and awesome and it makes me so mad that someone thought they had the right to limit your self belief. I’m so glad you left that and did what you knew was hard, but was right.
    Can’t wait to see the (replacement) fence!
    Xxx

    • Hannah Naylor November 11, 2015 at 9:13 pm - Reply

      Thanks Rosie! I have never once questioned my decision. I guess it shows that good decisions are sometimes very hard decisions to make. I’m lucky I have a great netwrok of friends and family to give me a boost when I need it. 🙂

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